For nearly as long as I can remember, my dad has said to me over and over again, “It never hurts to ask.” This mantra has reverberated in my brain.
I remember one of the first times I used this principle. I was probably in kindergarden. I was spending the afternoon at work with my dad. I was sitting, helping my dad’s secretary collate or something when I saw the big red Coca-Cola truck pull up at the front doors. I asked my dad if he would treat me to a Coke. My dad responded, “No.” Initially, I was shocked and hurt. He continued, “Go ask him yourself. It never hurts to ask.”
I was terrified. The Coke delivery man was tall, definitely over 6 feet, I probably was about half his size. My dad had told me not to talk to strangers and definitely not to take something from a stranger, and now he was telling me to not only talk to this random, gargantuan Coke delivery man, he was telling me to ask him for something. As this delivery man approached the vending machine pushing a hand dolly full of ice cold bottles of Coke my mouth started to water. I mustered up the courage and asked my dad what I should say to the deliveryman. My dad responded cleverly, “Ryan, just ask respectfully.”
I cautiously approached the man looking back several times to lock eyes with my dad as reassurance that he would save me in case something went terribly wrong. I stepped in front of the delivery man and stubbled over my words as I asked for a Coke. The Coke delivery man chuckled, “Hey buddy! Since you asked of course you can,” as he handed me a Coke. That was the day I learned it never hurts to ask.
Since that day, I have used this life lesson several times. Sometimes it is a simple request, other times, I have gotten some pretty significant favors! I have received everything from free tickets to concerts and conferences, to once in a lifetime opportunities, discounts on furniture, backstage tours and most importantly, priceless advice.
Now there is a difference between merely asking for things and taking advantage of someone’s generosity. There is a proper way to ask. Here are 5 quick points that you should consider before you ask:
- Have a reason for asking– Do not just ask for something because you want it. Have a valid reason of how what you’re asking for can help you out as a person or help you learn. For example, if you are looking for a ticket to a conference, tell the person you’re asking why the attending the conference will benefit you as a person.
- Never think you deserve it– You should never feel that you deserve something from someone. When asking for a favor, ask in such a way that you don’t make the person feel guilty or obligated. Sob stories are never good reasons to get something.
- Be careful of your boundaries– Be very careful not to overstep your boundaries. Do not ask too much of someone. Most people will not say “no” to you. Be sure you do not make them uncomfortable or put them in an awkward situation. It is always good to include something along the line of, “I figured it never hurts to ask. If you it doesn’t work out, no problem! I completely understand.”
- Ask Conservatively– Ask for the bare minimum of what you need. If you want to go to a concert and you have someone to ask about a free ticket, ask for a free ticket, not a VIP Pass. Generally speaking you will receive more. Here are three quick real life examples from my life where I have asked conservatively and received more:
- In 2009, I wanted to attend the Chick-fil-a Leadercast. I found someone with an “in” and asked for a student discount off the rather expensive $300 ticket. In return, I received a letter with 2 free tickets included. That was way more than I had asked for.
- I had an “in” at a concert series and I wanted a free lawn ticket which was fairly cheap but I just did not want to pay. After asking, I ended up with a backstage pass. Again, this was more than I had requested.
- In my speaking career, I tried to seek some advice from a motivational speaker that I deeply respect and is internationally recognized. I simply asked him a few questions and he responded by not only answering my questions by helping me re-title my talks and provided new outlines and directions for my my seminars.
- Be grateful– So many people just assume that they deserve something. Be sure to say thank you. Whether it is an email, a hand written note, or public thanks, just say thank you! I cannot stress the importance of those two words. They make all the difference in the world. If you have an opportunity to return the favor, be quick to do so. Don’t only be a taker.